Craptop

So Jesse bought this laptop off of craigslist in February or so, not long after his previous laptop got stolen while we were asleep in his car on our HONEYMOON. If you can call it that.

It was a reincarnation of aforementioned stolen laptop, only real laptop reincarnations are supposed to be identical - I don't think HP goes out and makes them all just a lil' different for excitement's sake. Except this laptop was not identical. It had been owned by a GIRL. And a sissy one, apparently, though I never met her because the whole transaction was done in a dark parking lot. Wait.

To make a long story shorter than it could be, the reincarnation was crap. The hard drive clicked and buzzed and made general noises of agony. And then last week, the fan started being like "OH NOES! I'm not a fan. I am a Bumblebee of Unusual Size!" It drove me insane. Imagine trying to do your government class reading assignment about economic policy, which is hard enough to pay attention to as is, while this thing in the corner of the room is going "zzzzzzzzzkkkkzzzzzzzzzzzzzzkkkkzzzzzzzzzzzzkkkKKKKKkkkzzz." Distracting. Jesse's temporary solution was to take the computer apart, which did indeed stop the noises because all the laptop's guts were on the coffee table. After he put it back together, not only was it still buzzing like an angry hornet, there were also two screws left over. Hmm.... GJ. Second solution: stick a screwdriver into the fan socket. It magically stopped buzzing... but the computer would have overheated and then melted, and I do not want to clean up liquid laptop from white carpet.

I was going to tell you about what we did next, but I find that I'm tired of typing, as I just finished my last US Government final, which is an essay test of 10 questions that takes at least 1.5 hours to complete because you are expected to be able to explain why the Social Security system is going to fail in the next 10 years, and explain it without exploding. I feel like the laptop now. Two screws loose.