You know our little old lady? The one that says "what the doodle-heck" all the time? She is a secretly dirty-minded little old lady that is in love with my husband. The entirety of the previous sentence is perfectly acceptable to me. I mean, if I love him so much, it would make sense that other people would as well, and especially the lonely-like old soltera who he whisks away like a knight in shining Dodge Magnum to Trader Joe's or Michael's to get sequins for the Christmas balls she makes all day every day. Guess what we're getting for Christmas? Balls.
I know she's a little dirty, but she's so sneaky and she knows she can get away with it because she's 83. For instance, she constantly CONSTANTLY is telling Jesse just how sexy he is. LOL!!!! Literally. She clings to his arm (she has a cane, but why use a cane when you can drape yourself on a handsome 24 year old chiropractor?!) and looks wistfully up into his eyes and tells him how much she appreciates his helping her. The wistfulness is so batty-eyed as to be funny. He'll start walking into the store and she'll say "after you, sexy," which is to say, "walk in front of me so I can stare at your ass." Then she'll lean over to me and whisper "now isn't he sexy?" I'm thinking "I guess I've got competition now."
Also that when she checks out of the grocery store and the young checker asks if he can help her out, she'll calmly state "not unless you want to go home with me" and he chuckles like she means she needs help getting the groceries out of the car. If she weren't 83 and 200 pounds, he might think past that, but as aforementioned... she knows she can get away with anything, and she's so right. I can't wait until I'm 83.
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