Wasting away... sigh

I started a diet on Monday. Not like a vague "I'll stop the Cheetos-munching and beer-swilling" kind of diet, but the kind of diet that forced me to SAY NO TO CHIPS AND SALSA at lunch today. Truly tragic. One of my last pre-diet-start "meals" was endless chips and salsa at Chili's, where the chips are so wafer-thin that they feel like crunchy little fried paper in your mouth, only significantly tastier. And you wonder why I feel the need to go on a diet.

Conveniently, on the day I started my diet, they also started a "Biggest Loser" contest at work, where everyone who enters pays $25 and whoever loses the highest percentage of body weight gets everyone's $25, thus providing monetary impetus to lose weight. You can also go in for $50 if you're in it to win it. I AM IN IT TO WIN IT.

I'm sure people who know me will ABSOLUTELY NOT believe me, and they are TOTALLY accurate. For when have I stuck with anything besides my marriage? Answer: only when forced to by extenuating circumstances or contracts containing my signature and a feeling of guilt if I were to not stick with it. Also Verizon Wireless.

I'm supposed to be taking "before" pictures to compare with some "after" pictures, but getting up the guts to make myself look fat is not the same kind of easy as drinking five bottles of water before weigh-in to make yourself look heavier. The water is out after you race your equal-agua coworkers to the limited restrooms, but the fat pictures are only until your husband forgets them when he becomes senile.

I'm also supposed to be taking measurements so that I can report how many inches I've lost... I always have found it odd when people report that they've lost inches. It's like what the hell kind of osteoporosis did you get on that diet? I'll probably measure my arms and legs and booty, and then never decide if it's time to re-measure, so I'll only have those initial figures to aspire to when I'm pregnant.

So I've been eating quite a bit less on this program for three days now. Two and a half, actually. I nearly nodded off from hunger on my notebook in Econ last night. I was trying to write sentences to keep myself awake, and they were like "It was probably not the wisest idea to start my idea on the night of my class, because now I am class and sentence not working" Not able to maintain coherent thoughts, obviously. I stuck it out, though, with the wily use of soy crisps snarfed during the break between GDP and CPI. I felt much better after that, though Jesse had the nerve to ask when I got home and almost ripped the cupboard door off on my way to nutritious soup if I was "really that hungry." I was like "do you know how much I have not eaten today!?! If you value your life, get ye not between me and my soups!" What I actually said, though, was "Dude, I have only eaten like 600 calories today (this was a lie), how could I NOT BE HUNGRY." And then I said "No smooches until I eat my soup."