Has anyone noticed the new theme in spam messages?
I was looking today because I thought something may have gotten sent to my spam folder on accident, and it seems that spammers have started cutting and pasting excerpts from literature BEFORE they begin to advertise how you too can be longer, stronger, and more manly, or you can buy Cialis legally off the internet.
Here are some choice phrases I've discovered today:
SUBJECT: My pearls and jewels.
CONTENT: His wrapper of scarlet flannel! link
SUBJECT: Cold and weary
CONTENT: When he reached the door
SUBJECT: HE kills you, he eats you
Why would I buy that product?
SUBJECT: Hey
CONTENT: bora rehear chatty rant! tubby welt. tote shrug. led shuck. bluffy whale a blush rehear! driven repent. suffix tinman iritis rehear! uneasy hodman chatty blimey?
SUBJECT: Where her ass is?
SUBJECT: In the middle of the woods
CONTENT: With the other frogs?
I realize most of these are not 'literature' at all. There was one with a full on book cut-and-paste job, but I deleted it before I realized 'hey, this is blog fodder!' DAMMIT.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
Stitching v. Reading: Round 1
I've been on a recent reading binge, pretty much to the exclusion of all else. "What did you say, husband? You've been feeling neglected, and are beginning to flounder in the pile of dirty laundry that's accumulated? I can't hear you, I'm reading the Orson Scott Card book you told me to read, and your head is buried in all the towels you've used in the last 2 weeks. Sorry."
I think I've read 6 books in the last 3 weeks, in addition to working full time and attempting to go to school, where they will assign me more books to read that I really don't want to, like "Native American Oral Literatures." That is not so engaging, I fear, as "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime."
In addition to this overwhelming urge to sequester myself in the very corner of the futon whilst yelling at Jesse to please turn down his play-by-play poker narrative, I've decided that I'd like to return to all my crafting glory. It hasn't really happened since we moved into this new place, in some large part due to the fact that what used to be my craft table is now where Jesse unloads his backpack every day after school, so that wood is no longer visible. At least in hardwood form. It is visible in paper form.
I decided, after perusing the pages of Mr. X Stitch, that I wanted to do a snarky stitch of my own, so I have begun. You will see the fruits of my labor after I wage war with myself what is more important: cleaning up after Jesse (and sometimes myself), reading the rest of BOTH "The Interview with the Vampire" and "The Kite Runner," or completing my slightly snarky, mostly silly cross-stitch sampler. Or starting a beaded bracelet I promised my friend I would do for him, for a small fee. Which he asked me to do like a month and a half ago, and I haven't even started creating the pattern for. DECISIONS.
P.S. While I was thinking about cross-stitching, it occurred to me that unlike normal children, I had the patience for this craft BEFORE I TURNED FOUR. I remember sitting down at my grandmother's house in Santa Barbara, begging my mom to please undo this knot I made so I could continue. I made a small pillow. How did I do that before I could read? I don't even know. I astonish myself with my youthful intelligence that somehow panned out into me making a lot of spreadsheets for a living.
I think I've read 6 books in the last 3 weeks, in addition to working full time and attempting to go to school, where they will assign me more books to read that I really don't want to, like "Native American Oral Literatures." That is not so engaging, I fear, as "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime."
In addition to this overwhelming urge to sequester myself in the very corner of the futon whilst yelling at Jesse to please turn down his play-by-play poker narrative, I've decided that I'd like to return to all my crafting glory. It hasn't really happened since we moved into this new place, in some large part due to the fact that what used to be my craft table is now where Jesse unloads his backpack every day after school, so that wood is no longer visible. At least in hardwood form. It is visible in paper form.
I decided, after perusing the pages of Mr. X Stitch, that I wanted to do a snarky stitch of my own, so I have begun. You will see the fruits of my labor after I wage war with myself what is more important: cleaning up after Jesse (and sometimes myself), reading the rest of BOTH "The Interview with the Vampire" and "The Kite Runner," or completing my slightly snarky, mostly silly cross-stitch sampler. Or starting a beaded bracelet I promised my friend I would do for him, for a small fee. Which he asked me to do like a month and a half ago, and I haven't even started creating the pattern for. DECISIONS.
P.S. While I was thinking about cross-stitching, it occurred to me that unlike normal children, I had the patience for this craft BEFORE I TURNED FOUR. I remember sitting down at my grandmother's house in Santa Barbara, begging my mom to please undo this knot I made so I could continue. I made a small pillow. How did I do that before I could read? I don't even know. I astonish myself with my youthful intelligence that somehow panned out into me making a lot of spreadsheets for a living.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Bad Style Choices
Working in the fashion industry and having plenty of time on my hands these days, I have assembled a collection of things you should definitely not wear, and should probably ridicule anyone who you see actually wearing who is not homeless:
1) Bra over T-Shirt, sold as one piece: Just, WHAT? There is a reason brassieres are in the UNDERwear category. They are worn UNDER your clothing. Not on top of a plain T-Shirt, sold elsewhere on the web site for $6.00, and then sold for $28.00. Not even homeless people are crazy enough to wear this.
2) We'll combine 2 in 1 here. Firstly, the Oops-I-Dropped-Bleach-ALL-Over-Myself wash, which I will tell you is going to be coming back soon (remember the 80's and how we have scorned the excess? Why would you want to wear something the whole world unanimously decided was a bad idea? WHY?) Secondly, the Oops-I-Cut-My-Cutoffs-Too-Short-And-Now-My-Pockets-Are-Hanging-Out shorts, which I can also tell you will be coming back next summer. Boo to the world. What are you thinking? Why are white trash fashion accidents becoming the new en vogue idea? This reminds me of Zoolander a little too much. Derelicte!
Note the peep-toe ankle booties. Like Hansel, they are so hot right now.
3) I have nothing to say about this. My snark does not cover.
4) Aaaanndd.... last but not least, let us not forget harem pants, shown here in overall form, which are ACTUALLY showing up in stores soon. Apparently, women want to look like they lost 400 pounds just off their thighs, but show off their shapely ankles as well. Such a conundrum before, but now that you can add 3 yards of fabric instead of skin, your style future is set!
Just a side note to the above WTF back to the eighties comment - American Apparel has resuscitated the whole hyper-color T-shirt phenomenon. Because that was also an awesome fashion choice in 1989.
1) Bra over T-Shirt, sold as one piece: Just, WHAT? There is a reason brassieres are in the UNDERwear category. They are worn UNDER your clothing. Not on top of a plain T-Shirt, sold elsewhere on the web site for $6.00, and then sold for $28.00. Not even homeless people are crazy enough to wear this.
2) We'll combine 2 in 1 here. Firstly, the Oops-I-Dropped-Bleach-ALL-Over-Myself wash, which I will tell you is going to be coming back soon (remember the 80's and how we have scorned the excess? Why would you want to wear something the whole world unanimously decided was a bad idea? WHY?) Secondly, the Oops-I-Cut-My-Cutoffs-Too-Short-And-Now-My-Pockets-Are-Hanging-Out shorts, which I can also tell you will be coming back next summer. Boo to the world. What are you thinking? Why are white trash fashion accidents becoming the new en vogue idea? This reminds me of Zoolander a little too much. Derelicte!
Note the peep-toe ankle booties. Like Hansel, they are so hot right now.
3) I have nothing to say about this. My snark does not cover.
4) Aaaanndd.... last but not least, let us not forget harem pants, shown here in overall form, which are ACTUALLY showing up in stores soon. Apparently, women want to look like they lost 400 pounds just off their thighs, but show off their shapely ankles as well. Such a conundrum before, but now that you can add 3 yards of fabric instead of skin, your style future is set!
Just a side note to the above WTF back to the eighties comment - American Apparel has resuscitated the whole hyper-color T-shirt phenomenon. Because that was also an awesome fashion choice in 1989.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Captain's Log
Sometimes I wish I just logged my life, so that in the future I could look back and remember all the tiny things that happen that I know I'll forget. Like the slightly crazy woman near me at work who tends to talk to her computer for most of the day and occasionally has outbursts of maniacal laughter at statements those of us around her make that are not intended to be funny. Also, she says "flabic" and "no ploblem", which are eternal sources of amusement for my sorry self.
Or the time Natalie, who is visiting this week, accidentally visited us for a whole week last year when the girl she was coming to LA to visit decided to fly to Guam on a whim and get married, forgetting that she was supposed to pick Natalie up from the airport. That was a fun week, except for the Guam girl, who is now getting divorced, I'm betting because it's not a good idea to go to Guam on a whim. I cannot speak about getting married on a whim, because I was only engaged for about 20 hours.
I suppose I could write in a diary, because, you know, that's what diaries are for. I used to - now I forget that I have time to do that, because I'm too busy checking my facebook and playing internet tetris. As I think about that, as I blog along, I suppose that facebook status updates are basically just that - a day by day log of all the mundane things you do during the day that you don't want to forget, and you dont' want anyone else to forget either. I should remember to update people on the fact that nearby coworker just cursed dentists to eternal hell for their rates, in her tiny little asian voice in a tiny little asian frame. Except she's my facebook friend, so she'd see.
Or the time Natalie, who is visiting this week, accidentally visited us for a whole week last year when the girl she was coming to LA to visit decided to fly to Guam on a whim and get married, forgetting that she was supposed to pick Natalie up from the airport. That was a fun week, except for the Guam girl, who is now getting divorced, I'm betting because it's not a good idea to go to Guam on a whim. I cannot speak about getting married on a whim, because I was only engaged for about 20 hours.
I suppose I could write in a diary, because, you know, that's what diaries are for. I used to - now I forget that I have time to do that, because I'm too busy checking my facebook and playing internet tetris. As I think about that, as I blog along, I suppose that facebook status updates are basically just that - a day by day log of all the mundane things you do during the day that you don't want to forget, and you dont' want anyone else to forget either. I should remember to update people on the fact that nearby coworker just cursed dentists to eternal hell for their rates, in her tiny little asian voice in a tiny little asian frame. Except she's my facebook friend, so she'd see.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
smASH it!
On Tuesday, Jesse's new dentist asked him if he'd ever been hit in the mouth with a baseball bat or the like. Jesse said nope. The dentist said "Are you sure?", so Jesse reiterated no, so the dentist said "Yeah, I guess you'd remember something like that."
Though I'm sure that's not the word-for-word recap of the exchange, which was prolly more like "have you ever had an impact to your jaws?" or something even more clinical that Jesse embellished for the sake of a good story (I would have embellished it as bitter rival punch to the face), but regardless, this sorry day marks the end of my dreams of days of leisure.
I hadn't written about it much because no plans were certain, but I'd been planning on going back to school full time this semester, lazing about with relative ease while I mastered the language of English and the art of cooking food every night for my husband. I've even filled out the loan documents, gotten the government to waive my fees because I'm poor, and done EVERY requisite that I knew of (I have never done this for any college before). It starts Monday August 17th. And Jesse's non-baseball-batted mouth and our lack of dollars has dashed my dreams to the floor like so many broken bicuspids from a baseball bat.
Now that he needs over $2000 of dental work from not being hit in the face, it's just not quite feasible for me to go without insurance or income. Boo, to the max! I can't tell you how disappointing it is to have all your tentatively crafted plans crumble. I was so upset I cleaned out my car, which for anyone who's seen my car, means really upset.
I think I will still try to take a few classes at night - I only have 9 units / 2 classes left until I qualify to transfer to a university. Instead of getting easier, lounging around and prosing and cooking, I have added MORE work to my life. This is not what I signed up for. Pthooey.
Though I'm sure that's not the word-for-word recap of the exchange, which was prolly more like "have you ever had an impact to your jaws?" or something even more clinical that Jesse embellished for the sake of a good story (I would have embellished it as bitter rival punch to the face), but regardless, this sorry day marks the end of my dreams of days of leisure.
I hadn't written about it much because no plans were certain, but I'd been planning on going back to school full time this semester, lazing about with relative ease while I mastered the language of English and the art of cooking food every night for my husband. I've even filled out the loan documents, gotten the government to waive my fees because I'm poor, and done EVERY requisite that I knew of (I have never done this for any college before). It starts Monday August 17th. And Jesse's non-baseball-batted mouth and our lack of dollars has dashed my dreams to the floor like so many broken bicuspids from a baseball bat.
Now that he needs over $2000 of dental work from not being hit in the face, it's just not quite feasible for me to go without insurance or income. Boo, to the max! I can't tell you how disappointing it is to have all your tentatively crafted plans crumble. I was so upset I cleaned out my car, which for anyone who's seen my car, means really upset.
I think I will still try to take a few classes at night - I only have 9 units / 2 classes left until I qualify to transfer to a university. Instead of getting easier, lounging around and prosing and cooking, I have added MORE work to my life. This is not what I signed up for. Pthooey.
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